Revenge
by bunjamina66
Summary: Major Sheppard’s not in a very good mood…


**Revenge**

**By Flossy**

DISCLAIMER: The following story is a work of fan fiction, and as such is for fan enjoyment only. All recognizable characters/settings are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit is made. I'm afraid that despite wishing that I did, I don't own these characters. I've just borrowed them for a while. (Although, I may hang onto McKay and Sheppard for a bit longer – they're a lot of fun…)

SUMMARY: Major Sheppard's not in a very good mood…

Central Character(s): Rodney and John, with Teyla and Elizabeth.

Category (ies): Humour, friendship, fluff...

Placement: Season One.

Rating: PG for very mild language.

Spoilers: Not even a wee peep...

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is set somewhere in the first quarter of Season One. I haven't decided where, so I'll leave that to your imagination. This was inspired by a personal and recent event that took place – although the names and locations have been changed to protect the victim's identity, the events are the same…

oOo

Rodney McKay was going to get it. Big time. When John Sheppard found the scientist, he was going to be a dead man.

The Major stalked through the corridor that led to the Canadian's lab, running through possible torture methods in his head. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts of the not especially nice things that he could do to McKay that he wasn't really paying any attention to where he was going. As he turned around the corner, he collided with Lieutenant Ford, sending his second in command flying.

'Sorry, Ford!' Sheppard said, holding out a hand to help the young soldier up. 'Guess I didn't see you.'

'No, sir, guess not,' replied Ford ruefully. He noticed the Major's dark expression and looked puzzled. 'What's up?'

Sheppard growled slightly. 'I'm looking for McKay,' he said. 'Seen him?'

Ford let out a sigh. This situation was becoming almost unbearable. 'Major, it's been nearly a week since… that incident. Don't you think you should let it go? You know, turn the other cheek, forgive and… forget… sort of… thing?' He trailed off as he saw the dangerous glint in his leader's eyes. 'Or maybe not,' he muttered quietly.

'I am going to kill him,' Sheppard replied in a worryingly calm voice. 'I've never killed a Canadian before. It should be fun.' Without another word, he stomped off.

oOo

Sheppard reached the door to McKay's lab and ran a hand over the sensor outside. With a soft swish, the door opened and the Major stepped inside. 'MCKAY!' he bellowed.

There was no response. The lab seemed empty. Dammit. 'I know you're in here,' he growled threateningly. 'Come out now and I promise I'll make your impending demise short and sweet.'

Again, there was nothing but silence. Edging further inside, Sheppard moved across to the workbench. He saw a small post-it note stuck to the screen of the astrophysicist's laptop, declaring that McKay would be 'back in 10 minutes, gone for food.'

_Okay, Dr Rodney McKay, prepare to meet your maker…_

oOo

As he strode into the Commissary, looking for all the world like a recently escaped, murderous psychopath, Sheppard spotted his target sat at a table with Teyla and Elizabeth. Great – an audience. Just what he needed! Gritting his teeth, he decided that he couldn't wait and started to walk over to the table.

'McKay,' he called. 'You're a dead man!'

McKay looked up from his sandwich in surprise. 'What?' he asked.

'You heard me.'

McKay looked confused. 'Yes, Major, my hearing is as excellent as ever. Why am I a dead man?'

'You know damned well why!' Sheppard growled as he reached the table and leant down in front of the Canadian.

McKay rolled his eyes. 'Oh come on, Sheppard! That was nearly a week ago! You can't still be sore about that, surely?'

Elizabeth and Teyla exchanged confused glances. 'Boys? What's this about?' asked Elizabeth.

'It's nothing, really,' said McKay. 'Just a minor dispute that's been blown out of proportion by the good Major here.'

'THE HELL IT ISN'T!' Sheppard roared.

McKay got to his feet and squared off against the soldier. 'Sheppard, please. This is beyond a joke now.'

'What is going on?' asked Elizabeth, starting to get frustrated and more than a little nervous about the situation that was rapidly developing in front of her.

'It's a private matter,' snapped Sheppard. 'McKay, outside right now.'

In a surprising show of hitherto unknown bravado, Rodney tilted his head cockily. 'You know what? Make me.'

Before Sheppard could get physical, Teyla stood up and placed herself in between the two men. 'I will say this once and you will both listen to me. You will sit down and discuss this rationally or I will take matters into my own hands.' Her tone of voice suggested that if the pair of them didn't do exactly what she wanted, they would live seriously regret to ever being born.

Still looking daggers at each other, the boys did as they were told.

'Now, will one of you please explain what this is about?' asked Elizabeth.

Sheppard glowered at the scientist. 'McKay doesn't have much time left to live,' he said darkly. 'On account of the fact that I am going to kill him.'

'Yes, I'd kind of gathered that already,' said Elizabeth, frustration tinting her voice. 'What I want to know is why?'

McKay sighed. 'About a week ago, the Major and I were… well, for want of a better word, _bored_. And you know that big empty room we found? The one on the West Pier? Well, we thought that it'd be a perfect, er… _venue,_ so to speak. So, we decided to…' He trailed off, mumbling under his breath.

'Yes?' asked Elizabeth.

There was an ominous silence.

'Decided to _what_?'

McKay and Sheppard were both looking at their feet. 'To… to make a…'

'A what?'

'…A paintball course,' Sheppard muttered.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and sighed. _Oh, dear God… _'And?'

'Well, McKay managed to bodge together some guns and found some suitable ammo,' replied Sheppard.

'And the Major set up the course,' added McKay.

'And you both had a… a _match_?' asked Elizabeth, unsure of the correct term.

The boys nodded their heads in agreement.

'So what happened?'

'It wasn't my fault,' said McKay quickly.

'Like hell it wasn't!' Sheppard snapped. 'You did it on purpose!'

'I did not!'

Elizabeth held out a hand warningly.

'What happened?' asked Teyla, smiling sweetly at them.

Sheppard swallowed hard. He knew that look on the Athosian's face. It was the look she gave him just before he ended up on his butt in the gym during their sparring sessions. 'Well, there was a… problem… with my gun,' he said quietly.

Elizabeth tried to hide a smile. She could see where this was going. 'Yes?'

'It… sorta… uh… jammed,' Sheppard stuttered.

'Well, I wouldn't say 'jammed', Major,' replied McKay, a wicked smile lighting up his features. '_Backfired_ would be a more appropriate word.'

Elizabeth's shoulders were shaking with the effort of not laughing, and even Teyla had to hide her face behind her cup.

McKay carried on. 'Major Sheppard's gun… uh… didn't work exactly as intended. Instead of shooting paint out at his opponent,' he pointed to his chest, 'yours truly, it decided to spray _him_.'

'You sabotaged it!' yelled Sheppard.

'I did not!' McKay yelled back. 'And you have absolutely no conclusive proof that I did!'

'So… so what… you're angry about getting sprayed with paint?' asked Elizabeth, grinning. 'Sorry, but I thought that was the whole idea behind the concept of paint-balling.'

'I'm not angry about that!' shouted the Major.

'Unfortunately, Grodin and Zelenka managed to find some surveillance footage of the incident,' said McKay. 'And… they decided to send it to my laptop.' He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

'You're so dead,' growled Sheppard. 'You just wait, McKay. You are a dead man.'

Aware that the girls were still waiting for an answer, the scientist carried on. 'And I thought that, seeing as how it was almost April Fool's Day, that… that I'd… put up some pictures…' He gave the group an embarrassed smile.

Elizabeth couldn't contain herself any longer and the laughter erupted. Teyla joined suit and soon the two of them were gasping for breath.

'IT'S NOT FUNNY!' yelled Sheppard. 'IT TOOK ME FIVE HOURS TO GET THE DAMNED STUFF OFF!'

'So… you are angry about the pictures of you covered in paint?' asked Teyla in between fits of laughter.

'NO I'M NOT!'

'I think it may have something to do with what was written underneath,' said McKay quietly.

Sheppard glowered at him. 'Excellent deduction, Sherlock.' He aimed a savage kick at the astrophysicist's shins.

'What did you write, McKay?' asked Elizabeth.

The scientist rubbed at his sore shins, looking at the floor, and then answered. '…The John Sheppard Guide to Advanced Military Stealth Tactics.'

-FIN-


End file.
